For some reason

"dah lebih 10 thun da hidup"
"Asyik nak kene bagitau je wat ape"
"Solat pon nk kena panggil"
"X tau la ape nak jadi"
"Dah ade otak, bole fikir mule rse pandai melawan"
"Masuk skola pandai rse pandai la tu"
"Baru buat skit da perasan bagus"

Yeah right...
Aku pon x tau aku nak jd ape... hmph!😠
Ok.. cmnila...
You said that our live never change, it was always like this but you yourself know that our heart changes.
You thought that those 'small' insult were just a joke...
You know what ... I'm a girl too, deep inside it actually hurts.
Why? Why do you always say that you understand me so well, you said that you hate people that talks big but aren't you bragging about yourself too much?
Every time anyone showed up you would insult me and say how useless I am. Staying in the house and finished off your money and all even tho I I've done a lot...
To be honest, I don't even remember the last time you praised me for what I did.
All I could hear these days were insult or fake praises that ended with teasing expression that doesn't sound honest at all. Was I the one who misunderstood it? I don't think so.
You always said that you need to take care of your image.. then what about mine? People around us must have thought that I'm the worst. How shameful of me.
Maybe you really did understand me but the way you're handling my emotion was always the same.. at times it could be fun at how you were joking on how lame I look when I cry. Or smirk at me while I'm crying. But at times it hurts like hell. You always do think of your own reputation but never think about others'.
I don't know what to say anymore.
You maybe love me but it looks like I'm starting to doubt it.
I know that it was just to burn my spirits..
All what you've done so far.
But, you know at times I could use some praises, good impression and all.

I Am Sorry

I am not asking why, rather, I am saying sorry.  Sorry for not being born talented.  Sorry for not being born perfect.  Sorry for not being born with HIS illness.  Sorry for not taking place for him for that illness.  Sorry for being easily hurt.  Sorry for being always 'not' considerate and understanding.  Sorry for 'not' supporting.  Sorry for being such a 'bitch' that man could 'easily' hang out with.  Funny.  This 'BITCH' is still a virgin who never touched a man except for her family members after the day she became a woman.  Weird.  They cried, they sobs, they hugged me asking for support and such but what did I get in return?  A bunch of people who barely remembered my name.  And 'LUCKILY' , I was being stared at like some kind of animal.  A weird kind of animal.  THIS animal who have weird habits ere rejected by many.  Why is that?  Just because she lacked of money, popularity and beauty.  What did you say  People recognised those who are beauty inside?  Stop talking shit.  Without money, fame, a beauty body and face, you're nothing in this kind of world.  Well, I'm not beauty neither from the inside nor outside.  I couldn't win anyone's heart.  Not even one person.  I'm such a failure.  I'm the first experiment and it seems like I'm a failure.  I would never be any profit for anyone.  It's not that I was trapping myself in my own thoughts but this is the truth of my life.  No one really appreciate my existence, huh?  'Cause I'm a failure since I was born in this world.  Again, I'm sorry for being myself.  Not perfect, not talented since birth and a failure.  HE was born talented indeed.  Having such great skills without a need to work hard for practices.  What did you say?  Practice makes perfect?  Listen!  Whatever you do, whatever yo try, you will never ever defeat those with talents since birth because they would only need 10% of hardwork to be more than us who strive 100% of our strength to be perfect.  I know that I am needed somewhere but I'm very sure that I'm not needed here.  In my own family.  Which family?  Friends or the true family?  I might want you, reader to guess that on your own.  The only person who would understand and support myself is me.  Absolutely myself and no one else.